Kendra and I met roughly ten years ago at an event for small business owners. We’ve remained connected as friends, sisters in Christ, and fellow life coaches over that time. It’s my pleasure to share her words of encouragement about bouncing back from grief and loss so that you benefit from her wisdom.
“Grief work: a process of confronting a life where you expect one thing and get another,
a life that brings you the unexpected and unanticipated.” ~ Edith Eger
The above quote is from clinical psychologist and a holocaust survivor, Edith Eger’s book, The Gift: 12 Life Lessons to Save Your Life. The Gift is about the healing work necessary to be free from the prisons of the mind. The quote is in the chapter on unresolved grief and it’s her definition of grief work.
Is there any better description of the last 12 months?
HOPE for 2021
Our hope of a new year was especially high for 2021, because grief and loss defined 2020 for so many. There were multiple battles we weren’t prepared to fight. Some loomed larger than others. Some lasted for days and others for months.
Even still, we can be confident of this: God didn’t leave us helpless!
In His mercy we were given the secret weapon of resilience. Resilience is a determination to thrive despite what we’re going through. It keeps disappointment, anger, and exhaustion from derailing our best plans and is solidified through a life of dependence on God’s grace, His wisdom, His truth and His love.
We weren’t promised a pressure-free life. In fact, resilience is built through the pressures of life. When life is weighing heavy on us, we need the power of the Holy Spirit to anchor our souls and renew our minds by setting, then forgetting and meditating.
Bouncing Back
We need the power of the Holy Spirit to help us set our minds on a God who is greater than what we have faced, what we are facing and what we will face.
When we are seeking to renew our minds about our circumstances, depending on how traumatic the situation, we may wonder how can I forget what happened? By “forgetting” I mean shifting our focus from what happened to the One who can help us release the guilt, shame and worry of our circumstances.
We then move our attention to rehearsing or meditating in our minds what is possible by God’s grace.
Set, Forget, Meditate
When we spend time setting, then forgetting, and then meditating on what God reveals about Himself and His promises, we take on the mind of Christ. A mind that is humble, confident, and assured of its purpose.
Journaling is an engaging method to set, forget, and meditate.
In your journal, write the responses to the following:
What did you not anticipate happening last year that you must confront this year, in order to keep moving forward with peace and purpose?
Set: What are one or two scripture promises that remind you of God’s faithfulness, regarding this loss?
Forget: If you’ve been tempted to let it define you or mentally punish yourself for a mistake connected to it, how will you release any guilt, shame or worry about it?
Meditate: Utilizing the scripture promises, write how you will respond to the pain when it tries to keep you stuck.
Bouncing back from a year of grief and loss requires us to confront the unexpected moments that left us wounded. The simple practice of set-forget-meditate can help us in this healing process.
Kendra Tillman is an executive leadership coach, a ministry leader, an author and podcaster. As the founder of StrongHer.me Coaching & Consulting, she provides strengths-based leadership training and digital content creation services for business and ministry leaders.
She hosts #WorkYourPlan with Kendra, a podcast centered on helping women reclaim their authentic voice and overcome fears (and other mental barriers) tempting them to second-guess their calling.
She is the author of You Are Stronger Than You Think: Lessons of Endurance in the Race of Faith as well as the STRONG Womanhood Growth Journal, a self directed guide for women who want to be active participants in their personal transformation.
When Kendra’s not working with women to achieve their most desired goals, her best days are spent with Daniel, her husband of 23 years and counting, and their three children and their dog in Gilbert, AZ.
