Category: Guest posts

Bouncing Back from a Year of Grief and Loss :: Kendra Tillman

Posted on by Evangeline

Kendra and I met roughly ten years ago at an event for small business owners. We’ve remained connected as friends, sisters in Christ, and fellow life coaches over that time. It’s my pleasure to share her words of encouragement about bouncing back from grief and loss so that you benefit from her wisdom.

“Grief work: a process of confronting a life where you expect one thing and get another,
a life that brings you the unexpected and unanticipated.” ~ Edith Eger

The above quote is from clinical psychologist and a holocaust survivor, Edith Eger’s book, The Gift: 12 Life Lessons to Save Your Life. The Gift  is about the healing work necessary to be free from the prisons of the mind. The quote is in the chapter on unresolved grief and it’s her definition of grief work. 

Is there any better description of the last 12 months?

HOPE for 2021

Our hope of a new year was especially high for 2021, because grief and loss defined 2020 for so many. There were multiple battles we weren’t prepared to fight. Some loomed larger than others. Some lasted for days and others for months. 

Even still, we can be confident of this: God didn’t leave us helpless!

I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:13,14

In His mercy we were given the secret weapon of resilience. Resilience is a determination to thrive despite what we’re going through. It keeps disappointment, anger, and exhaustion from derailing our best plans and is solidified through a life of dependence on God’s grace, His wisdom, His truth and His love. 

We weren’t promised a pressure-free life. In fact, resilience is built through the pressures of life. When life is weighing heavy on us, we need the power of the Holy Spirit to anchor our souls and renew our minds by setting, then forgetting and meditating.

Setting our minds on things above. Colossians 3:2

Bouncing Back

We need the power of the Holy Spirit to help us set our minds on a God who is greater than what we have faced, what we are facing and what we will face.

Forgetting things that are behind and stretching towards the prize of God’s high calling. Philippians 3:13

When we are seeking to renew our minds about our circumstances, depending on how traumatic the situation, we may wonder how can I forget what happened?  By “forgetting” I mean shifting our focus from what happened to the One who can help us release the guilt, shame and worry of our circumstances. 

We then move our attention to rehearsing or meditating in our minds what is possible by God’s grace. 

Meditating on things that are true, pure and of a good report are all the ways God encourages us to think right thoughts. Philippians 4:8

Set, Forget, Meditate

When we spend time setting, then forgetting, and then meditating on what God reveals about Himself and His promises, we take on the mind of Christ. A mind that is humble, confident, and assured of its purpose.

Journaling is an engaging method to set, forget, and meditate. 

In your journal, write the responses to the following:

What did you not anticipate happening last year that you must confront this year, in order to keep moving forward with peace and purpose? 

Set: What are one or two scripture promises that remind you of God’s faithfulness, regarding this loss?

Forget: If you’ve been tempted to let it define you or mentally punish yourself for a mistake connected to it, how will you release any guilt, shame or worry about it?

Meditate: Utilizing the scripture promises, write how you will respond to the pain when it tries to keep you stuck.

Bouncing back from a year of grief and loss requires us to confront the unexpected moments that left us wounded. The simple practice of set-forget-meditate can help us in this healing process.

Kendra Tillman Kendra Tillman is an executive leadership coach, a ministry leader, an author and podcaster. As the founder of StrongHer.me Coaching & Consulting, she provides strengths-based leadership training and digital content creation services for business and ministry leaders.

She hosts #WorkYourPlan with Kendra, a podcast centered on helping women reclaim their authentic voice and overcome fears (and other mental barriers) tempting them to second-guess their calling.

She is the author of You Are Stronger Than You Think: Lessons of Endurance in the Race of Faith as well as the STRONG Womanhood Growth Journal, a self directed guide for women who want to be active participants in their personal transformation.

When Kendra’s not working with women to achieve their most desired goals, her best days are spent with Daniel, her husband of 23 years and counting, and their three children and their dog in Gilbert, AZ.

 

Victories :: Guest Post

Posted on by Evangeline

In conjunction with the release of my book, Live To Win! 5 Essentials for Victory and Success, I’m excited to have provided a series of guest posts over the last few weeks. These folks are special to me, having coached me in one way or another to achieve my career goals and experience victories at various times and in various areas of my life.

Today’s guest post is the final installment in this series. I’m pleased to share with you the insights from Shelly Ryan. She is a certified life coach who helps people dig into their dreams and take action to make them happen. She helped me to take action and host my first iHope Fertility Retreat. Shelly has experienced many victories in life and shares a few of them with us.

Victories in This Game Called LIFE

When I received my “Thank You for Working for the Federal Government for Five Years” certificate it felt like a slap in the face. I know some people would be thrilled having a comfortable federal job with a Thrifty Savings Plan account, but for me, it felt like a death sentence. I was working long hours, had no work/life balance, was extremely unhealthy and had to drag myself into work every day. I was completely caught up in the hamster wheel…wake up, go to work, come home, watch TV, go to sleep, repeat. I felt unhappy for a while, but my discontent was not strong enough for me to do anything about it. When I read that certificate, I knew it was time to take action.

So I quit! I wouldn’t necessarily recommend that to everyone, but for me, I needed to slow down and figure out what was important and I knew I couldn’t do that while I was still working at that job. It took me a few months to figure it out, but once I did, I haven’t looked back even once.

It hasn’t always been easy, but taking that leap of faith ten years ago has led to so many victories. Here are some of my favorites.

I Love My Work

When I was figuring out what was next for me, I spent time getting really clear about my gifts, talents, passions and values. Prior to that, I applied for jobs that had position descriptions that I thought I was qualified for and found myself fitting into those criteria. I honed some valuable skills and learned a ton along the way, but never did I have a job that fully utilized my true gifts and talents. Nor did I ever work for anyone that was terribly concerned with helping me figure out what those were and how to best utilize them. Once I took the time to figure out what was important to me, I have been able to choose work that is in alignment with my true self and I fully enjoy all of the work that I do!

Victories-Shelly RyanI Increased My Faith

Since I made the decision to become an entrepreneur, I gave up the comfort of a paycheck every other week. That decision brought up a lot of insecurities – can I pay my bills this month; do I have enough money to do the things I want to do; can I give what I want to give; will I have enough to retire? These are all things I worried about even when I had a regular paycheck and were exacerbated when I didn’t. What has been truly amazing is that during these ten years, I have always had enough. I’ve developed a new belief and reliance on God that He will take care of me no matter what. When one project started to get really slow, another would develop. When my savings started to drop, a new opportunity would appear. I tell my clients regularly that you have to be very clear about WHAT you want and leave HOW it will happen up to God. That has become my practice.

I Understand My Worth

I finally learned how to love me. Even though it sounds cliché and that we should all know that, I honestly didn’t know what that meant. I was very reliant on the input I got from my bosses and colleagues to understand my worth. If I got a good performance review, I felt good about myself. If someone asked me to take on a new project, that made me feel needed. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out why I was working so many long hours…I produced because I wanted to get accolades to feel better about myself and because I produced, more was given to me. It’s not that feedback and input isn’t important to me now, but I understand that it is just that—feedback. It isn’t me. It isn’t what makes me valuable or worthy. I still produce, but for very different reasons.

I Take Care of Myself

I would never think of missing a 10:00 staff meeting, but I can’t tell you how many times I put a 6:00 workout on my calendar and it would get pushed because of either being too tired, or I had to finish a project. My priorities have most definitely changed since I made that decision ten years ago. I now exercise regularly doing things I never even dreamed of before — hiking, yoga, stand up paddle boarding, meditation and boxing. I’ve learned to eat healthy (green drinks, gluten-free, reduced sugar—seriously???). I take quarterly rejuvenation adventures (just got back from a yoga/meditation retreat in Oregon this quarter and went to Africa last quarter.) And I make a solid effort to get eight hours of sleep every night (in spite of much teasing from my friends that I go to bed at 7:00 pm!) All of these things were nearly foreign to me just a few years ago but are now a part of who I am.

These last ten years have been an adventure for sure! I’ve gotten to travel all across the world, open my heart up for love, care for my father during his battle with cancer…all of these opportunities opened up for me when I decided to take action and make a change. Loving what I do, increasing my faith, understanding my worth and taking care of myself are some of my victories as a result of that change. I can’t wait to see what the next ten+ years have in store for me! 🙂

Victory in life-Shelly Ryan

 

 

 

How to Experience Victorious Living::Guest Post

Posted on by Evangeline

In conjunction with the release of my book, Live To Win! 5 Essentials for Victory and Success, I’m excited to provide a series of guest posts over the next few weeks. These folks are special to me, having coached me in one way or another to achieve my goals at various times and in various areas of my life.

Today, I’m pleased to share with you the insights from John Burton. He helped me as a business coach a few years ago and was instrumental in helping me take the leap of faith to become an author. I’m sure the way he breaks down how to live as a winner in life will help you toward that end.

7 Keys To Victorious Living

In the game of life, there are WINNERS and there are LOSERS. The last time I checked, the universe doesn’t hand out participation trophies. Sometimes we find ourselves “on a roll” and other times we seem to be in a “downward spiral”. So what is the secret to living VICTORIOUSLY? How can we WIN more than we LOSE?  The dictionary defines VICTORY as “an act of defeating an enemy or opponent in a battle, game or other competition”. For many of us, the battle keeping us from living a VICTORIOUS life is a battle we consistently wage in the 6 inch space between our ears. Our thoughts, programs and mental conditioning prevent many of us from experiencing the truly VICTORIOUS life we deserve.

Let’s take a closer look at the word VICTORY and examine what I believe are 7 keys to what Pastor Joel Osteen refers to as “living our best life now”.

VICTORY…..Victorious living- John Burton

VIGILANCE.  We must be vigilant in all our efforts and actions. When we take consistent action, we produce consistent results. The key is to do more of what works and less of what doesn’t.  Frustrated people tend to be inconsistent people.

INTUITION. I believe our inner voice is the voice of our creator. Every challenge presents us with an opportunity to make a CHOICE. The CHOICE we make is more empowering when we trust our intuition. We are wise to listen to other points of view but ultimately our decisions and choices must be made by us.

CHARACTER. As stated in the opening sentence, sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. Showing ourselves grace in defeat and exhibiting humility in victory is a true sign of character.

TOLERANCE. We live in a diverse world. We can’t live victoriously if we constantly find ourselves in judgement and disagreement with others. We all have our own set of personal beliefs and values. Living victoriously means that we respect different points of view and learn to separate the other person from their position. This is often referred to as spiritual maturity.

OWNERSHIP. There are three undeniable truths…We ALL make mistakes. We ALL have flaws. We are HUMAN. Our ability to take responsibility for our decisions and subsequent actions (or lack of) is the foundation for victorious living. When we ditch the blame game and embrace personal responsibility, we send a message to the universe that we can be trusted with abundance.

RELATIONSHIPS. Our success in life and business is a team effort. Parents, spouses, friends and associates have all played an important role in our success. Remember, hermits don’t have anything or anyone to celebrate with. Quality relationships are a cornerstone of victorious living.

YESTERDAY. It’s hard to live victoriously and move into our future if we are always looking in the rear view mirror. I once heard a great quote that stated, “yesterday is history, tomorrow’s a mystery, today is a gift, that is why it is called the present.”

Victory is found in the present moment. The next time the past calls, let it go to voicemail, it has nothing new to say.

Here’s to a VICTORIOUS living!

Victorious living- John Burton

 

John Page Burton is an Author, Business Consultant, and Keynote Speaker.

To learn more, visit www.johnpageburton.com

 

Communication During Infertility

Posted on by Evangeline

Communication in a marriage is of utmost importance; it is critical if the marriage is going to be the best it can be. Without open and authentic communication, intimacy is negatively affected and that in itself opens the door to other problems. 

Mark 10:9 – What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.

James 1:19 – Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.

Find help about how to strengthen your marriage during infertility in my book, “Infertility Sucks! How to Maintain Hope in Your Marriage During Infertility.”

Today’s post is taken from my friend’s blog over at In-Due-Time. Caroline Harries’ husband, Colby, shares great insights about maintaining open communication and expressing from the heart during their infertility journey. 

Communication is vital to relationships and essential to marriages. We have all heard, experienced, and accepted this important truth. Yet it is these types of foundational truths that we can also take for granted and miss if we become complacent. And communicating specifically in the area of a marriage that is going through infertility is something that has come up for us numerous times. I recently realized where I may have missed key communication that caused recurring heartache for us. Hopefully this will help other couples identify a potential area of hurt and miscommunication.

Read more…

Communication in Marriage

What do you do to maintain open communication with your spouse? 

[Guest Post by Nerida Walker] God’s Will for Your Life is FRUITFULNESS!

Posted on by Evangeline

Today, it my honor to share a guest post from Nerida Walker. I’m thankful that she too shares a message of hope for those struggling with infertility. If you’re not familiar with her story of overcoming infertility, read it HERE. 

 

Nerida WalkerHave you ever felt like God has forgotten you, abandoned you or is answering everyone else’s prayers but yours? We have all at some point in our journey felt this way and while these times feel very real, the reality could not be further than the truth.  It is very easy when struggling with infertility to lose sight of the goodness of God. Especially when another menstrual cycle begins. Therefore, I want to help you to overcome the times of doubt and despair by reminding you of what you already through Jesus and His finished work of the Cross.

I have listed below some Biblical truths to remind you that God’s has not abandoned you and that Fruitfulness is His plan and purpose for your life. So next time you feel forgotten or are struggling in your journey, encourage yourself with the following…

1) God created mankind to be FRUITFUL!

When God created Adam and Eve, He Blessed them and commanded them to be fruitful (Genesis 1:26-28). This was NOT just for Adam and Eve but for all of mankind. Even after the fall when fruitfulness was thwarted, God made provision for His children to be fruitful. We see this all throughout the Covenant God made with Israel. The Bible tells us that God does not change His mind and that He does not show favoritism so the simple truth is that God’s will for those who are in Covenant with Him is to be fruitful!

2) Infertility and miscarriage are NOT creations of God.

God only created everything good! James 1:17 tells us ONLY good & perfect gifts come from God. In the beginning infertility and miscarriage did not exist because God did not create them! Romans 5:12 tells us that death came through sin. This means ALL forms of sickness and disease, including those that cause infertility and miscarriage, resulted from the Fall. But don’t despair, because while we live in a fallen world where sickness and disease reign, always look to Jesus and His finished work on the Cross, because through Him God made provision for you to be made whole!

3) God’s will & plan for your life is what Jesus has ALREADY done for you!

Many struggle to know God’s will for healing of infertility BUT God’s will is very easy to determine!God’s will for your life is NOT what your circumstances, diagnosis, symptoms or your past experience says BUT is what Jesus did for you on the Cross! Jesus is the will of God for ALL of mankind, so what Jesus purchased & provided is God’s plan and purpose for your life!

4) Jesus has ALREADY won the battle of infertility for you!

If you understand what Jesus completed and perfected for you on the Cross then you will know that you don’t have to fight infertility any more! Jesus was the last Adam who came and redeemed mankind from everything that the first Adam bought upon us. We know that Jesus took the sin of the world to the Cross, but at the same time & in the same manner He also bore sickness and disease.  This includes any sickness and disease that can cause infertility and miscarriage! So don’t labor or strive against infertility in your own ability, instead REST in what Jesus has already freely provided for you!

5) God does NOT show Favoritism!

Some believe God chooses who receives Salvation and who doesn’t, who gets healed and who doesn’t and even who get babies and who doesn’t BUT the reality is that the victory Jesus purchased on the Cross is freely available to all who believe in Him!

2 Corinthians 1:20 NLT tells us that ALL of the promises of God have been FULFILLED in Christ and are always YES and AMEN (so be it) in Him! So it is time to unlearn all the traditions and doctrines of men and stick to Jesus & His finished work instead!

And lastly always remember…

6) The consistency of God’s nature!

Many falsely believe that God can do anything He likes BUT this is inconsistent with what Scripture says about Him. God’s Word is so clear on His nature and character! It tells us that God has bound Himself to His Covenant and to His Word and that means that God CANNOT:-

Change His mind or will

Change His nature

Lie or prove false

Break or go back on His Word

Alter His Covenant

Therefore, if you understand the New Covenant and what Jesus has purchased for you through His finished work on the Cross then you will KNOW that God cannot block, stop, withdraw or delay what Jesus has ALREADY provided for you!

These are foundational truths on the goodness of God and His plan of fruitfulness for your life! So next time you feel forgotten or abandoned remind yourself on what God has already provided for you through His Son. The more you look to Jesus, the less you are looking to yourself or to your natural circumstances. This will also help you to rest in His ability rather than in your own ability. Then you will see His power released in your life.

It was an honor to write this for you! I pray this post will continue to bless and encourage you and it is my prayer that infertility and whatever is causing it will be annihilated once and for all so that you will continue to go forth, be fruitful and MULTIPLY!

(C) Nerida Walker 2015

http://neridawalker.com

Nerida Walker's book - pregnancy and fruitfulness